


a little time with you is all that i get, that's all we need because it's all we can take

by aimelle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:50:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimelle/pseuds/aimelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where they used to date, had the nastiest break-up, and slept together again because alcohol makes you do a lot of things you shouldn't, kids, write that down.</p><p>“Are you — I’m sorry, are you actually pretending that you <em>don’t remember</em> ? That’s ridic—”<br/>“I fucking <em>don’t</em>, so I’m asking you, so stop being an asshole for a minute and answer me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So,
> 
> (1) I have no excuse for this one. It just happened, the modern "they're exes" AU no one asked for.  
>  (2) Names ! I made up names, I made choices, I'll own up to them, always, you can fight me but you'll lose.  
>  — Kylo Organa-Solo because I do what I want and I don't like Ben much for him, sorry ;  
>  — Brenyn Hux, sorry I make the rules ;  
>  — Eleanor Phasma.  
>  (3) The truth is I'm in the middle of exams right now and I'm procrastinating hard, which results in a bunch of fics but which also makes it so that I don't really want to write anything very ambitious in terms of length, so right now it says chapter 1 of ? but, but, there'll probably be only 2 chapters because multi-chaptering is tiring, you have to think with your brain, plan ahead, ugh.  
>  (4) The title is Daft Punk because I pledged to title all my kylux fics with Daft Punk lyrics (it's Instant Crush ft. Julian Casablancas, it's so good, go listen to it, thank me later.)
> 
> I think that's all, read on and hopefully enjoy !

About five months ago, his friends had been extremely tactful and considerate when they’d asked Kylo if, maybe, since it had been a little more than two years since the break-up, it would be possible, hypothetically, but more precisely two weeks from then, when there’d be a small party celebrating Tessa finally finding a decently paid job, for them to ask Brenyn to come. _He might not even show up_ , they’d said. _If you don’t want him to come, we just won’t ask him, but please be there, if his being there means you won’t come, well we can’t have that, you know_ , and he’d said that, well, they’d exchanged, like, five Facebook messages over the last year so maybe, yes, it would be okay.

It hadn’t been. He’d held up fine for as long as he’d stayed, but had left the party early, because he’d felt like he was dying every time Brenyn had looked at him or been less than a meter away or talked to him, and he’d wanted to kill him whenever he _wasn’t_ paying him attention. And he’d cried himself to sleep like a fucking fourteen-year-old, and had spent the next day self-loathing and stopping himself from sending a billion texts that would have made everything worse.

And then it had gotten better. He still showed up to every social gathering wondering whether or not Brenyn would be there, but it didn’t prevent him from sleeping anymore, and seeing him was no longer a brutal punch in the guts but rather something small stuck somewhere in his throat, making it only slightly harder to breathe.

He was all right. It was all right.

But on that evening, Brenyn showed up wearing a black turtleneck that suited him way too well, and Kylo met his eye every single time he risked a glance in his direction, and as time went by he felt his face growing redder with each of these occurrences, and he was so beautiful, negligently lounging on the couch, elegantly handing out vodka shots, leaning back against the counter in the kitchen, dangerously close, freckled hands hovering in the space between them, voice even, so close, and Kylo knew it was the alcohol that made him ignore everything he hated and resented him for, but it was so easy just then, and it was so nice, and he was so beautiful.

Around 3AM everyone had gone, except for Eleanor and Brenyn who were helping him tidy up a little, piling up empty bottles and collecting stray glasses, pieces of food and the occasional abandoned lighter. The three of them had been close for the longest time, way before Kylo and Brenyn started dating, but of course that dynamic hadn’t quite survived the awfully nasty break-up, and it was somewhat comforting to find that they could ease back into it just like that, though it wasn’t exactly the same, though it couldn’t be the same.

Then Brenyn was leaving, he was in the hallway putting on his coat, and then his scarf, and he walked up to Kylo to say goodbye, and Kylo adjusted his scarf a little, and that was when he was lost, because they’d been too close before, but avoiding physical contact always, and there it was, almost, and almost was too much, there was a thrumming in his fingertips and in his head, and he pushed him against the wall and kissed him. Brenyn tasted like sweet white wine and cigarettes, which was familiar, and he whispered Kylo’s name in-between kisses, which was familiar, and his grip was firm on the back of Kylo’s head, which was familiar, and his coat fell on the floor.

Eleanor left discretely, grabbing a trash bag on her way out, thinking that well, if this ended in tears (rather _when_ than _if_ ) she’d be there to pick up the pieces like she had before, they were adults, they were going to regret this so much and she was going to have to go through so much shit, but there was nothing to be done.

 

Kylo woke up around 11AM with a slight headache, and shifted closer to Brenyn, laying a hand on his back. And then his brain came back online and he backtracked so fast he almost fell from the bed, but the comedic value of the scene was lost on him, because he could hardly breathe and he was going to cry and he wanted to scream but he couldn’t get a sound to come out of his mouth and maybe he was shaking or maybe it was just his vision getting blurry, and this couldn’t have happened, he didn’t deserve this, he was all right, he was doing okay, _no no no no no no no no_ —

He was struggling with putting boxers on when he heard Brenyn shifting and so, like a responsible adult facing the consequences of his drunken actions, he concentrated on not looking at him at all.

“Hey,” Brenyn said.

“Hey,” Kylo somehow managed to say, still intently turning his back to the bed, absorbed in the search for socks that matched.

“Are you okay ? You should be, I mean you drank a lot of water and all but still you were pretty—”

“ _No_ ,” Kylo said.

He turned around then, and Brenyn was lying on his stomach and his hair was not that messy and he stared at Kylo like everything was just fine and he couldn’t figure out what the issue was, and Kylo wanted to kick him in the face and throw him out the window.

“I guess — I imagine — I suppose that we — that — I can’t tell myself that nothing happened, right ?”

“Are you — I’m sorry, are you actually pretending that you _don’t remember_ ? That’s ridic—”

“I fucking _don’t_ , so I’m asking you, so stop being an asshole for a minute and answer me.”

“You’re aware that willingly ignoring something isn’t the same as not remembering, right ? Anyway, yeah, a few things happened, like, I sucked your dick, it was nice, and we fucked, it was great, and you were _very_ loud which I enjoyed much more than I thought I would, like I thought you know that would be just, a little, I don’t know, the point is actually it’s _really_ hot and—”

“ _Shut the fuck up_ ,” Kylo said. “I don’t remember any of this — so to me it didn’t happen, please leave —”

“Oh _really_. Then what’s th—”

“Don’t fucking _touch_ me !” Kylo all but shrieked, slapping Brenyn’s hand away, and that seemed to give him a pause, and he finally lost his nonchalant tone.

“Okay. Well, that’s you,” Brenyn said, showing Kylo a bite mark on his left collarbone, “and that, too,” and that was another mark on his left shoulder, “and I can’t see it, obviously, but I’m fairly certain you’ve redecorated my back.”

“No,” Kylo said. But he did remember, although it was fairly hazy ; but he didn’t want to. “No, no, _no_ , I don’t want this, I can’t believe that I was stupid enough to — why aren’t you getting dressed, I need you to _go_ —”

“Jesus, Kylo,” Brenyn said while picking up his clothes, “we had sex, it happens to a lot of people, quite often, it’s not the end of the world.”

“I’m sorry, are you doing this on purpose, or are you actually _this_ fucking stupid ? I thought — you must have at least an idea of the pathetic state I was in for, like, almost a year ?”

“Well I asked people about you sometimes and I got the texts, and the voicemails, but—”

“And you have the _nerve_ to tell me to calm down ? “We had sex, it happens” ? Yeah, it’s not like you were the worst thing to ever happen to me, it’s not like I trusted you with everything and you threw that in my face, it’s not like thanks to you every single memory I have of our time together can only make me feel disgusted and ashamed and so so so naïve, and it’s not like just thinking about you used to physically hurt, and it’s not like I felt sick the first time I saw you again, and—”

“Remember to breathe,” Brenyn said.

“Shut. _Up_. Maybe none of it matters to you, I wouldn’t have a hard time believing it, but _I_ had managed to function like a fucking person again, and we met every now and then and it was okay, and now — why would you do this to me ? Is it just that you don’t care ? Or do you enjoy causing me pain ? Maybe you just think it’s _fun_ to wield your little power and toy with me ? What did I _ever_ do to you to deserve this ?”

“ I — _God_ , what do you want me to say ? That I’m sorry ? I wasn’t, I missed you, I wanted to, you wanted to, and yeah in theory when you’re _a decent person_ you don’t sleep with people when they’re drunk, but who doesn’t, and I’m not selfless enough for that shit, and it was good, and I’m sorry that it’s such a terrible thing for you but I — I didn’t think—”

“No, I don’t suppose you did, why take a minute to think when you could just fucking ruin me again—”

“Listen, I’m gonna leave, and I’ll make sure we don’t meet again, I didn’t think you hated me _that_ much—”

“You fucking _cheated_ on me ! with _Elliot_ ! _in — my — own — fucking — bed !_ ” And Kylo was yelling, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, and it was perfectly justified, and at least he wasn’t crying, yet.

“You told me you _loved_ me !”

And Brenyn was more flustered than Kylo remembered ever seeing him out of bed, and he was taking deep breaths to steady himself, and Kylo just didn’t know what to say anymore, because this didn’t make any sense, what was that supposed to _mean_ , was it an excuse, _how_ could it be an excuse — and it hurt to hear it, though obviously he hadn’t forgotten at all, but he tried not to dwell on the fact that he’d declared his love on the same fucking day that he’d found Brenyn in bed — _his_ bed — with — whatever.

“And ?” Kylo asked softly, “The way I see it, it only makes the whole thing worse.”

“It’s not — it’s not like — I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to have a talk — like this, I fucking hate this, so I had to — do _something_ that would—”

“I’m sorry, are you telling me—”

Then the doorbell rang.

“Shit,” Kylo said.

“What’s that ?”

“It’s Rey, my sister, maybe you remember her, she’s visiting, I kinda forgot with all that — that.”

“Sure I remember her, she hates my guts.”

“Fucking put your shoes on and _get out_ , I don’t want to have to explain what you’re doing here while you’re _here_ , and — I’m not sure that I want to ever finish this discussion, I’m not sure that I want to ever see your face again,” and those were lies, but he knew that it was often wiser to go against his desires, “so. I don’t know. Here, don’t forget your fucking scarf.”

And then Kylo opened the door to Rey, who made no effort at all to hide neither her surprise nor her discontent at seeing Brenyn there, and she said, _hi_ , and he said, _hi_ , and it was uncomfortable, and then he was going but he stopped to call out, _I’ll call you_ , and Kylo just rolled his eyes because he didn’t have it in him to tell him not to. Then Rey shook her head at him and he closed the door.


	2. Chapter 2

“Stop checking your phone every two minutes, you’ll hear it if it rings, and anyway he’s an asshole and assholes don’t call when they say they will, and it would be better if he didn’t really because I see what’s happening here, you’re _so_ ready to go back to that piece of shit it makes me want to claw my eyes out so I don’t have to see it, yes, Kylo, _yes_ , no I’m not being over-dramatic here, pass me the salt please,” Rey said.

 _Kylo, hey. I said I’d call so I had to, but I hate phone calls you know, so I called in the middle of the night when you wouldn’t pick up on purpose, yeah. It seemed like a good idea somehow but I hate leaving voicemails even more, I think. Anyway, dinner this week ? Or the next ? Thursday or Friday would be best for me but I can make other days work. Ok. I hope you’re doing ok. Ok. Bye_ , the voicemail said.

“And are you going to ? Have dinner ? Together ? Yeah I don’t know why I ask, _of course_ you are, but what are you expecting, what do you want, have you taken some time to like, think about that, because — well I mean unless you have bad hearing and we’re both idiots, it seems like he said that he did — what he did — because he couldn’t handle _feelings_ or _talking_ and he thought that was a great escape plan ? And what I can tell you is that he hasn’t gotten any better at dealing with feelings, or with anything at all, that’s just a fact. Like, did you know that his father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer more than a year ago ? Yeah, well that’s because he just _never_ talks about it — and I don’t mean that he never, you know, opens up about the _emotions_ , that would be ridiculous, I mean he never even _mentions_ that fact, I only know because I was _there_ the day he found out. And I mean sure I have a personal interest here which is that you _both_ whine to _me_ about each other, but,” Eleanor said.

 

 _dinner friday ?_ Kylo texted.

_yes ok where do you want to go_

_well i hate people who fight in restaurants,_  
_so i thought maybe you could just come to_  
 _my place and we’d order something or eat_  
 _pasta_

 _ok. 8 ?_ , Brenyn replied four hours later.

 _8 is good_.

 

“Hi,” Brenyn said.

“Flowers,” Kylo said. “You brought _flowers_.”

“I have cake, also.”

He was wearing a suit, he looked great in his suit, they ordered Indian food from that place two blocks away, and sure they could have gone out to get it instead of having it delivered but it was cold outside and also raining, and there was wine, and Brenyn asked if he could smoke and Kylo said yes but in the kitchen and open the window, and it was freezing in no time, and they laughed and closed it, and Brenyn’s phone kept ringing, and Kylo said, _shouldn’t you take that_ , and Brenyn said, _I’ll turn it off, it’s only my mother_ , and Kylo said, _then, shouldn’t you take that_ , and Brenyn said, _oh, you mean because of — she calls me twelve times a day everyday, it doesn’t mean that something has happened, and anyway he’s been dying for like, a year, so if she’s calling because he’s finally done with that well he’ll still be dead in a few hours, but I’m sure she just wants to try and guilt-trip me into going to see them, or telling them I love them or some shit, and I’m not going to, I’m really not_.

“So, do we fight, now ?” Brenyn asked as they were washing the dishes. “It’s a good setting, we could break plates and everything. Well, you could. I don’t really have anything to be angry about.”

Kylo remembered their fights, which hadn’t been half as frequent as he would have thought, and most of the time ended when one of them stormed out slamming the door shut, and then came back a few hours later, and they were both sorry and ready to calmly talk about whatever it was they had disagreed on, because their anger died in the absence of a recipient — he remembered how easy it had always been to be distracted by rolled-up sleeves and bony hands — he remembered Brenyn, jaw clenched, hissing, _but that’s the way it is, Kylo, I only care about those people because you do, your mother could get hit by a bus tomorrow, it would only matter because it would matter to_ you _, I wouldn’t give a fuck if you didn’t_ , and they hadn’t talked to or seen each other for a week afterwards — he remembered Saturday nights spent on the couch watching old detective movies and Brenyn coming up with a new theory every fifteen minutes — he remembered waking up alone and nauseous and breaking into tears before he even had time to consciously think about anything, because hurt and betrayal and disgust caught up with him faster than his brain could process.

“What do you want ?” Kylo asked, catching Brenyn’s wrists in his hands, and lukewarm water dripped down onto the floor.

“ _Kylo_ ,” Brenyn said, like there was something stuck in his throat.

So Kylo loosened Brenyn’s tie and started unbuttoning his shirt, laying light kisses on his jaw and neck, and he felt Brenyn tremble, and saw his hands gripping the counter like his life depended on it, and he had suspected but then he knew, he was certain that his nonchalance about their intoxicated mishap had been nothing but a lie, and that knowledge made him bold.

“What do you want ?” Kylo asked again, and the harsh kitchen lights made Brenyn’s skin ridiculously white, and his cheeks were flushed bright red, and when Kylo unceremoniously parted his legs with his own, Brenyn eagerly moved closer to grind on his thigh, and his mouth was on his neck, uttering a new yet familiar plea, _Kylo, Kylo, please, Kylo, I miss you so much, Kylo, I’m so sorry, Kylo, Kylo, Kylo, you know what I want, please_ , and he’d given up completely on composure and his every movement was frantic, from his hands fluttering all over Kylo’s back and neck to the urgent way he kissed, and Kylo wondered if this wasn’t too much, if you were supposed to make someone come undone so easily — but his hair was fine and soft, and he smelled like expensive cologne and cold tobacco, and sweat, beads of which were slowly making their way down his forehead, and when Kylo undid his belt and slid his hand inside his pants, and then lazily, one finger after another, inside his boxers, toying with hair as he wandered further down, and finally ran that hand along the length of his hard cock, Brenyn let out the most lascivious whimper against Kylo’s lips.

And Kylo knew that at this point he could, should he want to, spin Brenyn around and bend him over and fuck him roughly against the counter, and he would like it, and he would scream his name, and turn into a blabbering mess, and beg Kylo to stop when he’d get too close to coming, and Kylo would slow down, and Brenyn would make the most pathetic noises for a few seconds before urging him to _fuck, don’t, go faster, don’t listen to me, fuck me harder, Kylo, please_ — but instead he caught Brenyn’s arm and led him to the bed.

“What do you _want_ from me ?” Kylo asked once more, sitting himself on top of Brenyn, appraising him evenly before he did away with all remaining pieces of clothing. “Answer me,” he insisted, resting his forehead on Brenyn’s as he started gently stroking his dick.

“I — _for fuck’s sake, Kylo_ — I want — I want you, always, I just — if you would let me, I just want to be with you, again, if you — _Kylo_ —”

“Turn around,” Kylo said, and as Brenyn complied he stripped hurriedly, then purposefully sprawled himself on top of him while reaching for lube and condoms, and he caressed his inner thigh softly while moving upwards, and his own hard-on, which was starting to get painful, slid against warm skin as he asked, right next to Brenyn’s ear, “Would you do it again ? _Will_ you do it again ? Will you hurt me again ? Will you run if I ever ask you about how you _feel_ ?”

And Brenyn said, _look at me_ , and he brushed Kylo’s cheek with the back of his hand, and he said, “I won’t, I won’t, I swear I won’t, Kylo, please — I need you to believe me, Kylo, I’ve never regretted anything that much, I miss you every single day, Kylo, Kylo — _please_ —”

Then Kylo shifted slightly to slide his cock against the crack of Brenyn’s ass, taking his fingers out and pining him down onto the mattress with all his weight, and he whispered _no_ when Brenyn moved to touch himself, and there were only gasps and a litany of muffled _Kylo_ s and _please_ s and _fuck_ s and _now_ s and _Kylo_ , again.

And Brenyn sighed heavily when Kylo finally pushed his swollen dick inside of him, gripping the sheets hard enough to make his knuckles white as Kylo thrust further and further in — and Kylo felt Brenyn shudder when he started to move his hips — and Brenyn breathed out, _fuck, Kylo, aren’t you done taking your sweet time_ , and he reached for Kylo’s hand and guided towards his throat, and so Kylo held him firmly there, as they both did their best to last a little bit longer than fifteen-year-old virgins would have.

 

“So, is Rey still in town ? Isn’t she staying with you ?” Brenyn asked, carefully avoiding spilling ashes on the bed sheets as he reached out for the ashtray. “And why is she visiting now ? The weather is terrible.”

“She has a few job interviews, the last one is on Monday, she’s all stressed out but she says there were no disasters, so — don’t look at me like that, I can practically _hear_ you thinking I’m an idiot — and she’s staying at some dude called Finn’s, I’ve seen him a few times I don’t think he’s going to kill her to sell her organs on the black market, I think he’s cool.”

“Do you want to maybe have dinner somewhere once she’s gone ?”

“Yeah, sure. She leaves on Wednesday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it, I wrote the second chapter it only took me, like, two weeks, wow. Anyway this isn't groundbreaking but it was fun to write and I'm not unhappy with it and I hope you liked it too. Stay tuned for (once I've written what I must for the fic exchange I signed up for because I'm an idiot) the over-ambitious multi-chapter AU that I'm going to write soon-ish and which will be great it will have scheming, and plotting, and poisoning, and throat-slitting, and back-stabbing, I can't wait. Toodles ✿


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